13 ways your friends subtly shame your parenting

Parenting styles are a lot like jeans; there are many options to choose from and you may need to try several before you find the one that works best for you. With the plethora of parenting options and choices, it’s inevitable that your views will clash with those of your friends. After all, parenting is something that many people consider to be quite personal, and passions for methods and ideologies can lead to uncomfortable disagreements. Hope you learn to respect each other’s differences, but you might start to feel the ways your friends subtly shame your parents, which could mean your friendship is heading to Splitsville.

Most people don’t want to shame a friend so they try to create smoke and mirrors around jabs and agenda push. But I can’t say that I’m not guilty of unknowingly letting some subtle shameful bombs drop. As psychotherapist Alyson Schafer told Today’s Parent, “so we can feel confident with our choices, we have to believe that the other ways are wrong. We reinforce our right to ourselves, making others feel like it was they who didn’t understand it – sometimes in very subtle ways that look a lot like shame.

You may have suspected that some of your friends were ashamed of you as a parent. If any of these 13 examples sound familiar to you, it’s time to have an honest conversation with your friend, or just quit.


They use other people as examples

When your friend makes critical comments about others, sometimes you have the impression that the ridiculous is directed at you, because the New York Times’ The Motherlode section was underlined. If your friend comments negatively about other people’s parenting choices, but it’s the same choices she knows you made as a parent, then it’s easy to feel like ‘she points to you.


They tell your children about you

In my experience, when someone thinks they know how to deal with your kids better than you do, they tend to walk all over you. It means talking about yourself, interrupting, or forwarding ideas to your children even when you are already dealing with the situation.


You feel the underlying anger

If a friend tries to discuss a parenting topic with you, but you feel underlying anger, she subtly sends you a message about how she feels. According to Psychology today, when people want to discuss something negative in an effective and useful way, there is no anger present. So, if your friend can’t get their message across without anger, they may be shaming your parents without even realizing how their emotions are showing.


They say, “My children know better”

No parent likes when their child behaves badly. But when another mother turns to you and instead of offering her support, she says, “Oh! My children know better than to do that, ”she suggests that you allow this behavior and your child does not know better.


They tell you what they don’t do

In an article for Today, New York mother and writer Kim Brown Reiner recalled a moment when she offered a cookie to a friend’s child, the other woman replied:we don’t let our kids have sugar. “I’ve seen this reaction before, and it has nothing to do with food allergies and everything to do with thinking that giving children sugar is an abomination.


You feel on the defensive

If you constantly feel like you have to defend your parenting style with certain friends, now is the time to break up with those friends. As Mind Body Green has pointed out, when you feel the need to stand up for yourself or yourself, it is a sign that the person who is making you feel this way makes you ashamed.


Their face says it all

Sometimes it’s less about what a person says with their words, than what their facial expression is telling you. According to a study published on the American Psychological Association website, when someone is not happy with you, you can tell by the look on their face. So when your friend frowns when you serve her non-organic milk, it’s a subtle way to shame your choice.


They use Facebook to dig

Facebook can be a dangerous forum for expressing beliefs. When your friend posts various articles and personal opinions on how only sadistic parents could circumcise their son, when she knows your son is circumcised, it is easy to feel like she is judging you and making you ashamed. .


Compliment in reverse

Many subtle crooks will try to disguise their jabs with flattery. Drop a compliment backwards about your parenting like ‘you are so laid back i could never stay calm if my kids acted like yours’ is a sneaky way of trying to sound nice when you say something mean .


They give the silent treatment

If it’s not the look on their face or their mean words, then silence could be their way of shaming. When you share a decision you made as a parent, such as choosing not to immunize your children, that silent gaze is a form of disapproval.


They drain you

Being around someone who feels the need to be ashamed in any form can be exhausting. As Very Well pointed out, we love to be around some friends because they bring positive energy to the relationship. But if someone’s negativity about your parenting is wearing you out, it’s not worth your time.


They claim they don’t have time

Every mom needs a little time to recharge. But some people like to use their busy badge to make you feel selfish about taking time for yourself and not spending every moment focusing on your kids. They claim that in order to be a good mother you only have to live for your children, even though it can wear you out.


They give unwanted “advice”

Being a good friend is simply show solidarity when someone needs it most, according to Family circle magazine. If your friend is constantly giving you advice when you haven’t asked for it and suggesting you do things her way, there is an underlying feeling that she thinks your choice is wrong and wants you to change. notice.

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